Banking In Sweden

Part of relocation services is helping clients open bank accounts and I'm about to head off to meet a client to do just that.
Sounds like an easy task right? I mean we have professional people from all around the world coming to Stockholm (in this case) to work, mostly for a very reasonable amount of money. They don't send low-salaried people anywhere....

Yet the banks just don't seem to want their business.... and I say that because it is also important for Swedish residents to have an ID card - after all it shows your personal number and without a personal number you are nothing!! Yet it is only the banks who can provide you, as a resident but not a citizen, with an ID card.

There seems to be just one bank who can do the job! Just one bank who will let you open an account, who will give you an ID card, and who will give you immediate internet access to the account - Handelsbanken. Hats off to them for making their services accessible even to people who have just arrived in the country - people who are willing to pay for a service, who will be putting money in their bank! And all this they offer because I am a customer there and am willing and able to vouch for their identity (once I show my ID card)!

Is there something wrong with this picture or is it just me??

Australian Passport Application vs Swedish Personal Numbers

Makaila's application has been submitted! Finally!Not the easiest of tasks that is for sure.

Apart from the photos having to be exactly the right way (they show all sorts of sample photos that have been rejected and we now have tons of little photos of M), they have to have a copy of my passport, her father's, an extract from the population registry (in English), a copy of her citizenship document, and someone to vouch for her identity. That person must either be an Australian citizen or a teacher, doctor, chemist, accountant and the list goes on. You have to laugh - I mean are these people more reliable that the average citizen??

Now I know that the Swedish personal identity number can be an absolute XXX. Swedes also hand over their number here and there without realising or thinking just how much someone else can do with that number. It is expected in the most ludicrous times and places - try renting a movie or getting an bonus card at one of the chain stores without disclosing it!!

There are however times when it just makes more common sense than anything else, and it is efficient and convenient!! One of those times is for passport applications (or nenewals), done through the police. You show some ID, no need for a print-out from the population registry (the info is in their system) and they even do the photos their on the spot, so they are done right the first time! After all, the police are experienced mug-shot takers, right? It is all very speedy and easy.

What really bugs me (and many others!!) with the personal identity number system is that you don't exist without one, and the locals just don't cope so well without it. Many times I have been asked for my number and said - you don't need it - I can tell you it throws people into a tizz. I've even lied and told people I don't have one. Tell me why the butterfly house needs my number just because I buy a year's membership - I can show my ID card with it if I must - but my number doesn't need to go into their system.

When you buy a TV you have to give your personal number so they can register it and the government can makes sure you are paying your broadcasting tax. What really gets me is you give them your number, they put it into the system and they then tell you your address and phone number!! If you know someone's personal number you know how old they are (protected information in many parts of the world), their birthday and the worst of it - you can ring the tax office and find out how much money they earn!! How's that for privacy??

Another downside is that they generally don't want to know your name. Ring any government office and they won't even ask you - what is your personal number? is their first question. I think it is SO rude! I am a person not a number!!

While it is possible to disappear in this country - (just read about that in a story covering the abduction of the two boys) - it is more difficult to do it. Almost impossible for the average person. Yet if you lose contact with someone in Australia - it can be impossible to ever track them down.

All in all, there are pros and cons with any system. But it would be nice if there could be some sort of meeting in the middle. The Australians could afford a more systematic approach and the Swedes could afford to learn to live with a few less numbers.

Australian-Swedish Abduction Case

Stories like this make my stomach churn (click on the pictures below).

A tragedy, for all concerned. Especially the children.
(thanks Marie).

Australian Embassy In Sweden

Ok, I will admit, it has been years since I went to the Embassy here in Stockholm and today I learned how things have changed.

In the 17 or so years I have a Swedish resident I have seen the Australian government put less and less money into this (and probably all others) embassy. There was a time when it was open to the public, where they had a library, borrowable material and regular pub nights.

Today I learned that I need to make an appointment before I can even step foot in the door!! But does it say that on the website? NO!! It says contact them for more information, a little here and there - but not - DO NOT TURN UP WITHOUT AN APPOINTMENT!

I am at least grateful that they did let me in, not sure if that is because I have a friend in there or because that is just what they do - but I did get to go in and go through Makaila's new passport application and determine all the things that were wrong so I can come back tomorrow - or once I have a new photo of her, a new extract of the population registry and an appointment.The Australian government has always given me the impression that it's focus abroad is on making money - not helping Australians abroad. Promote the country, bring in the dollars and make things as difficult as possible for Aussies - after all, it is a privilage, not a right! Gotta love bureaucracy!!

The first snowflakes

fell on a grey and dismal Stockholm today.


The kids were thrilled, until it melted.

The Lantern Festival

Makaila and I ventured out in the wind and the rain on Friday night despite her being at home during the day to stay out of just that - the wind and the rain. She's been coughing for weeks and it has been worse these last few days.

We met at daycare in the complete darkness, at the late hour of 5 pm with her father's protests ringing in our ears (someone has to be the one in every family, right?). It is now dismally dark by 4pm so it felt like it was the middle of the night and the rain beating down on my face made me question, more than once, what I was doing.

Still, we felt the buzz of excitement as we arrived with many of the kids running around in the dark, greeting each new classmate. Makaila had been excited about this yearly tradition for weeks. They were called to the table (outside!) and started with warm saft (cordial/fruit punch) and cinnamon buns. The giggled their way through this peculiar event while the parents watched or socialised with each other. Thankfully the day-long rain had eased up and it was quite pleasant standing around chatting!!


Afterwards they went in and collected their lanterns (which they had painted and designed and we had made at the last parent meeting) and went off for a walk around the area before coming back singing the songs they had been practising in the lead-up to this event.


Finally they gathered in a half circle and finished with the Swedish version of "twinkle, twinkle little star" which I am ashamed to say I do not know...

Neither am I familiar with the true origins or meaning of this tradition, even if it the third year I've been involved(!) I remember my sister and niece talking about it and I have seen a number of Mums In Sweden mums talking about it, particularly the German ones. After googling I found a couple of other family blogs describing the tradition, here and here. I also found a little booklet you can order in English and it was interesting to read Wikipedia and see how widespread the tradition is, or was.

So now I know, for next year. Celebration of the seasons - even the darkness, and in the wind and rain. I love it!

International Custody Battles

I went to bed last night thinking of all those I have met over the years, friends and acquaintances.

When a couple separates the children generally stay in the country they reside in, unless the parents come to some other sort of agreement. Here is my list:

• one who stayed here for the sake of her son only to have him move to Switzerland with his father and new wife. Her son was then a teen so he could make his own decision. This woman is an inspiration, she got on with her life and made the most of the situation right from the beginning. A good relationship with her ex-inlaws helped her along the way.

• one who came home late one night to find her things outside the front door and the locks changed. She got to see her infant son every second weekend for the first year or so. She too is an inspiration, after many difficult years she got on with her life and made the most of it. Today her teenage son lives exclusively with her, despite years of going back and forth between his parents, one week at a time.

• one who stayed and made a life for himself in Stockholm, only to have his ex-wife take the kids and move to the north of Sweden, severely limiting his time with his children.

• one who was refused a passport for her daughter (father wouldn't sign the papers) and was unable to take the children home to see their grandparents and other family members.
  

• one whose son ran away from his mother, making his way back to his father because that was where he wanted to be, despite a court ruling stating otherwise. The police came and forced their way into the bathroom where the 11 year old had locked himself in, taking the child back to his mother.

• one who was so miserable and without hope here he packed up and went home, hoping his wife would follow with the children to keep the family together. Eventually she did.
  

• One left her 3 year old son here with his father and took their 1 year old daughter home with her.
  

• and then there was the case of the woman who was killed by her husband, chopped into pieces and thrown into the frozen lake because she threatened to take the kids and leave the country.

Apart from the last, these are people I personally know. There are countless others out there. They all moved to Sweden to be with their partner, and stayed to be with their child or children. The fear of the child/children being kidnapped and taken back to the other country seems to be a common theme, even if an unrealistic one. The Hague Convention, a quick phone call to the airport and agreements between governments and police forces all stand in the way of kidnapping in reality. Still, there are always those who do manage to get away with it, and articles in Swedish SvD and SVT talk of the growing numbers of kidnapped children in Sweden. Probably because there is a growing number of international relationships.

I met a young guy last night, his girlfriend is Australian and planning on moving here next year. I (lightly) asked him if realises how complicated they are making their lives, how much more difficult it becomes. He laughed and said, yes, they had already seen that.

I paint a dismal picture, I've also been here a long time and met a lot of people. No matter what the circumstances these stories are all personal tragedies for those concerned, especially for the children. One of my friends thinks young couples should be made aware of the risks of international relationships. My advice? Stay at home and marry the boy or the girl next door, life is complicated enough without adding to it. Don't take the risk. Either that or find a neutral country to live in.

But then again, who wants an easy life? Of the stories I tell all of them have been an inspiration to me, in one way or another. To live in and make their way through a system that is not their own, to make a life for themselves despite their own personal tragedies.

I have met many, many more who have happy stories. Because after all. love endures all, right? And I have to confess, I wouldn't change my life or my decisions one little bit.....

Fathers and Equality in Sweden

"It is much easier to become a father than to be one."
-- Kent Nerburn (Letters to My Son: Reflections on Becoming a Man)

While on the subject of fatherhood I can say that over the years I have met many, many who have been stranded in Sweden, in order to be with their children, despite a longing to go home and a struggle to make a place for themselves here. I’ve also met both men and women who have separated their children in order to return home, those who have separated from their children in order to leave Sweden and many, many more who fear the outcome of separation, and the choices and difficulties this would bring.

Separation and custody issues are difficult enough. Add to that the challenge of being a foreigner and not having the same support network around you that you might have had at home. Then there is the fact that being foreign never seems to be in your favour when it comes to court cases, custody battles and the like. Being a foreign father seems to make things all the more worse. Many, many of those I have met over the years will vouch for this, unfortunately.

While there is no support group for foreign parents fighting custody battles, I have heard many utter a desire for one. Perhaps one day there will be one.

There is however a Swedish group fighting for the rights of children to have both their parents and providing a network for those in need - headed by second generation migrant Michael Alonzo.


I first read about Michael in this SvD article, he is also the author of Ge inte up (don't give up). His book started as a letter to his son, in case he never saw him again. Michael describes how his son's mother kidnapped him and went underground and what happened afterwards. He wanted to let him know how much he fought for them to be reunited, how much he loved him. Thankfully there is a happy ending, his perserverance paid off.

According to statistics there are a growing number of Swedish children living with their single fathers. There are more and more men fighting to be with their children. Not just in Sweden.

Fathers, Sweden & Child Support

I read this story a couple of days ago and it touched me so much I decided to share it with you.

I find it interesting that I have been divorced from my first husband for almost 17 years now, and during that time I did everything I could to get him to pay child support for my oldest son. But Washington never could find him, not even after I gave them his parents' address. My son has never met his dad and he never got child support. Needless to say, times were hard. Extremely. But I pushed on. Now, here I am in another country. Things aren't perfect, but they are a hell of a lot better than they were. We have medical. Never had it, couldn't afford it. We have a decent apartment. I won't go there. Generally, things are ok....Not perfect. But ok.

My Swedish MIL pushed us to fill out paper work, because somehow she believed that Sweden would go after my ex. How? How when I am not Swede, my son is not Swede, and my ex is not even human. Ok, uncalled for. But you get the idea. Well, guess what, we filled out the paperwork....Not only did they find him (why couldn't Washington or Georgia??!!), but they are going after him for child support and back-payment of child support.

Once again I ask, why couldn't Georgia and Washington????

I miss my home, but because they didn't pursue it, we struggled in ways that I care never to go through again. We are in no way considered rich by Swedish standards...We don't own a car, we don't get to travel for vacations, we don't have the latest model of anything. I live in a rented apartment that isn't big enough to cuss a cat in, yet we are living better than we did back in the States. It is my home and I miss it, but why could they not bother to go after him? There were times I couldn't afford shoes for my son, or pay for field trips. I worked two graveyard shifts at two different gas stations to pay bills, and put clothes on him. That child support could have helped us in such a big way.

I'm a bit angry and bitter. I have that right too because there were times I almost couldn't feed him and pay the bills. Then a country that owes us nothing is stepping up to bat to try and get the child support that was owed? What’s wrong with this picture?

When the guy called, he was all apologetic because they are going to try and get the full amount, but because it has been a long time (17 years), he doesn't know if they can get it all. He told us that my ex has the right to contest it, but because there is an agreement between Sweden and the US he can't escape it.

I spent several years letting the anger and resentment towards my ex overwhelm me. Then I got too busy supporting my son and his father faded away from my thoughts. Then when my son was 10 he told me that he had a father only in name, "because if he really cared for me then he would be here. He would want to see me." He never met his father, only talked to him on the phone occasionally, only when he wanted to borrow money from me. He hasn't given him much thought since. Neither have I. The anger, bitterness, resentment, and hatred was nothing because he was nothing. But just hearing it, brought it all back to me. All the hard times, the tears, the sick feeling of dread when my son would come to me for something he wanted, or needed.

No man or woman has the right to brush away their responsibility for the child they helped to create. They shouldn't be allowed to hide. They should be held responsible....its just a shame another country is making mine step up to the plate.

I can find fault with Sweden....and usually on one of my truly homesick days, I rant to my husband about all the faults of Sweden. But when it comes down to it, I do have to say, Sweden has done by good by the children. I'm going to go and watch a movie, think about all of this and most likely just shake my head. I can't understand it, but am grateful all the same. I had to vent because...well, because I had to and because I don't understand why it is taking another country to catch up with this dead beat "dad".

I still miss Washington, and it will always be home. But at this point and time, Sweden is a much better place for me and my family. I guess there, my husband was right....just don't tell him that….


The best thing is I have is my son. I got to watch him grow. We have had some issues of late, but I can still see the baby, the toddler, the boy, that he was, and I can see the hint of the man that he will be.

"The father who does not teach his son his duties is equally guilty with the son who neglects them.”-- Confucius

Reproduced and edited with permission from the author. Click on the picture for some great father quotes.

Father's Day in Sweden

is on a different date compared to both Australia and Canada so there is the potential for us to celebrate all 3 - but one is enough and the Swedish one is the only one I remember. That's probably because I was aware of it being just a week or so before our first child was born.

As with most things here, there is not the hype about Father's Day that there is at home. People don't go all out with presents, booking restaurants for brunch, lunch or dinner. The celebration is more simple, if it is even remembered at all.


This family's dad got breakfast in bed, and a couple of yeasting baskets for his bread baking. Then he got up and cleaned up, and did 7 loads of laundry, played with Kieran and marked some assignments - all while Makaila and I went to a party.

Hope you had a happy Swedish Father's Day and that you remembered to at least tell your dad you're thinking of him - because dads are special and life should be celebrated.

Suicide

Funny how people often talk about suicide rates - Doesn't Sweden have one of the highest suicide rates in the world? is something I have been asked many, many times. Suicide rates are always shifting and people are often comparing national rates.

To be honest I think it is irrelevant. Statistics can be misleading and the numbers are just numbers.

The heart of the matter is that suicide is one of the greatest tragedies of mankind. It rips apart the survivors, throwing their lives into turmoil and chaos. What brings someone to so tragically, so violently end their life?

Today is the 27th anniversary of the death of my father.
He was just three years older than I am.
This is one earthquake the Richter Scale can't measure, the aftershock goes on forever....

If ever you or someone close to you needs help, it is available.
SPES is the Swedish national organisation for suicide prevention and survivor's support.

Stockholm Players

We had a fun night out last night with friends at Stockholm Players' most recent production.


But here I am tempting you with something that is no longer tangible - tonight is their final performance. I haven't been to see one of their productions in over 10 years, but it was fun and I will be keeping an eye on their website to see what's next!

It was our first night out without kids in 15 months - I hope all those with ready, willing and able grandparents appreciate how lucky they are!!

Halloween & All Saints Day

It is not that often that Halloween and the Swedish All Saints Day Eve fall on the same day, but this year they did. In previous years I have been one of the many people amused by children trick-or-treating on the Friday or even Saturday night. They are out no matter what the date, as opposed to the 31st, as is the tradition in North America - which is after all where the custom originated. This year it wasn't the customs that merged, it was the dates and everyone was out together, which by the way was not too many.

I prepared our neighbors again by running around with stuff beforehand, some remembered from last year. They love it. It is lots of fun to see the kids dressed up and the excitement that lights up their faces.



I think I love Halloween & All Saints (Allhelgon) because they brighten up an otherwise grey and drab time of year. And while Ty and I might have our discussions about their best use, it brings focus to what is in season (pumpkins!).


My appreciation of the seasons grows with each year that passes. Not because I grew up without them as some might say - because we do have seasons in Australia, especially in Melbourne. But because they passed unnoticed in my childhood. Australians do not celebrate seasons the way they are celebrated here, they are just complained about and avoided, if at all possible.

Halloween and All Saints have long traditions and fulfill important functions - even if the hype leads us to believe they are just a commercial venture. Try walking around Skogskyrkogården on November 1st, it takes you back to the roots of the Swedish tradition. One member left our Halloween party on Saturday to join his family. People gather to put candles on the graves of their loved ones, to remember, to show respect.


I'll let Shane tell you more about the Allhelgon tradition. It is an enchanting place to be as darkness nestles in, the temperature drops and the grave candles flicker with rememberance.

Sweden Needs Entrepreneurs

that much I have known for a long time.
And apparently so much so that the government is sponsoring a one year entrepreneur qualification through Handelsskolan.


It is a combination of theory and practical work aimed both at those with a dream and those who already have a business up and running but are in the process of expanding. The contact hours are limited to three half-days a week and includes a final project. Each participant spends lot of the time working independently on their business concept.

Another remnant, gone...

I just watched my car being put on a flatbed and taken away. Written off. Gone to car heaven.

I've had that car since 97, almost as long as I had the cat. Remnants from my past, a whole lifetime away. Fragments from life as I once knew it, disappearing before my very eyes.

It is strange what it does, to the head, and to the heart.

Goodbye my faithful old car...

I'm lost......

this new search for a web company has tripped me up, again...


Where was I? What am I supposed to be doing? What are my goals? Objectives? Strategy? Vision?
Will I ever find my way to the end? Is there an end?

Optimism and hope

peace, prosperity and lots of other very positive words are floating around today - everywhere I turn.

He did it. I didn't think the American people were ready for their first black president but he proved me wrong - and I am so glad he did.

The four years ahead of him will be tough. I hope he has the strength and the support to do some of the things that need to be done.

It may well be my socialist surroundings, my belief in collective responsibility or my environmental awareness, but I have never been so interested or so pleased by the results of an American presidential election.
There is hope in the world again.

Skatteverket

or the Swedish Taxation Department, are an entity unto their own. I spent an hour and a half there today in a meeting to discuss whether or not I should put V.A.T. on my invoice for my relocation services. That is how complicated Swedish taxation law is!!


Saying that I found the two I met with to be very amiable, approachable, friendly and helpful - clearly their approach has changed over the years. I have noticed a major difference in all my dealings with them as a business person 10 years on.

And the outcome, well they need to look in to it and confirm their findings.....

Trendgalan 2008

is an event arranged by So Stockholm and Maria Forssén with an aim to promote people, companies and phenomenon that are ahead of their time and have the potential to conquer the world. Trendgalan celebrates entrepreneurs and entrepreneurialism in an endeavour to encourage entrepreneurialism and bring forth good role models.

The speakers were many. They were eager to share their viewpoints,they were inspirational, informative and thought-provoking.
And as always, with any event organised by Maria Forssén - you don't walk away empty-handed. The goody bags given out always leave me thinking she must have a fantastic network of people ready, willing and able to support her projects!

Australia here we come!!

I'm so relieved I could cry!! The trip is not only booked but paid for and the tickets issued. Decisions have been made, everything checked, permission given and there's no turning back!! We head off in December to the sun and warm weather, grandparents, family, cousins, friends and FUN!!

The lovely Jodi Roan at Australienresor helped my endlessly - I'm indebted to her gracefulness, patience and good service. THANKS JODI!!