Sunday. No family

The freedom.
No sister-in-law ringing to see if we can babysit the kids.
No mother asking us to call in and see Gran, because she hasn't been well lately.
No fighting at Christmas about who will celebrate with who, where and doing what.
No obligatory birthday celebrations with the relatives.
No feeling we "should" invite them over for dinner.
No family get-togethers surrounded by people you hardly know anymore, or hardly knew in the first place.
No need to go watch concerts, dance shows or footballs games to show your support.
No need to fight about whose mother we'll ask to babysit, or if either even will.
No angry phone calls because  I haven't called or even visited in a while.
No father, brother or cousin wanting help to build the deck.
No expectation to do things the way everyone else does.
No one calling in, catching us unaware.
No need to put in an appearance, ever.
No one peering through the cracks, or even for them.
No rituals.
No traditions.
Ah the freedom.
The loneliness.

Far from family

It never takes much to make me realise how fortunate I am, and how hard others have it in comparison.....

I've been feeling miserable lately about the fact that we won't go to Australia this winter, how we won't get to see family and friends and how once again two years will pass before my kids step foot on Australian soil. It is hard to make the decision to not head down under.

Then yesterday we visited a friend of Makaila's, whose parents come from Irak. The mother in family is heading to the US next week to see her mother, she just found out she has cancer. She will spend a mere two weeks with her.

I asked how long it had been since she had seen her mother and the answer - over four years. Then they all went to visit the grandmother, aunts, uncles and cousins in the US. Those kids probably hardly know who their extended family is on their mother's side.

It doesn't make it any easier for me, I will always feel I am denying my children their family.
But yesterday's little encounter does remind me that I am not the only one. And it does help me appreciate what I have - something that hundreds and thousands, millions of families don't have - an opportunity to be together on a regular basis.

She will be broken-hearted when she leaves her mother's side to return home to her own family. But at least she can visit her mother one last time. Many can't even do that.

Don't do it! Stay at home!

I was at a function on Saturday night where the couple were celebrating their 60th birthdays. The place was filled with their children, their grandchildren, siblings, nieces, nephews, cousins, second cousins, aunts, uncles, family friends and so on and so on.

This is the sort of event that hits you like a ton of bricks. It is the sort of event that make you realise what your life choices have resulted in. These are the sorts of events you miss when you live so far away from home - family get-togethers, cousin's weddings, best friends' 40th birthdays, babies being born, grandparents' funerals, engagements, christenings, wakes, graduations and celebrations of any kind. These events make you feel like you belong, (or that you don't!), they remind you that you come from a long line of people with generations and generations behind (or ahead?) of you, and many more to come. They remind you that life goes on and that you are not alone in the world. They remind you that blood is mostly thicker than water...

Not such a big deal when you are around and "have" to attend yet another family event. But they leave a hole in your life when you are far away from family and lifelong friends.

My advice to young couples, so in love they are prepared to move to the other side of the world? Go home! Stay at home! Marry the girl or the boy next door. You can travel the world together, live somewhere else, and then go home together.

Life is complicated enough, don't make things worse.

Our brush with H1N1

wow.... it has been a while, almost two whole months since I last blogged and even then there wasn't a whole lot of activity from me.

May and June were busy with relocation work and getting www.liveinsweden.se live, June also saw a number of loose ends being tied up with odd clients and classes, packing, and preparing our home to be enjoyed by others over the summer.

Then came our departure week and a close call with the infamous H1N1. Days before we were due to head to Canada we had a friend and her daughter come and stay only to leave the next day, be admitted to hospital, and then be diagnosed with H1N1. The day the results came through will be remembered as one of the most stressful in my entire life (mmmm.... now what does that say about my life?). I spent the day on the phone to the local doctor, the children's hospital, the infectious diseases institute etc etc etc.

In cases like this it is always interesting to see how others react. My friends who survived the Tsunami blew it off, hugged us and said have a great holiday - let us know if we can do anything - they said. Then there are those who really panic.

The doctors finally decided to test Kieran as being under 5 he is high risk and we decided that all four of us would take Tamiflu as a preventative measure. None of us had any symptoms so we were given the all-clear to fly to Canada and told that unless we developed symptoms we were free to move around as normal. You have to love the doctor's attitude at Karolinska hospital who noted that we were at least flying to a country where the flu was running rampant!!

None of that really lightened our load and we spent the next few days on edge. My mother-in-law, a sufferer of a lung disease was understandably, less than thrilled considering she is also in the high risk category. Nothing like getting a holiday off to a good start.

Finally Kieran's results came back as negative and we got word that considering we still didn't have any symptoms we could safely assume that none of us had caught it. That's not something I treat lightly considering our children spent hours together playing in a closed environment.

Had we not been flying I would only have had to worry about our health, especially that of my son who as a four year old is supposedly more at risk. And considering he had recently had strep throat followed by a vaccination his immune system would not have been at its best.

Flying from one country to another adds a whole new dimension to things. What are the repercussions if we say "to hell with it" and go? What happens if we have to cancel our flight? Who would pick up my mum and her partner 5 days later if we didn't make our flight, or couldn't get another? What if we go, symptom free and then get sick? What then if our insurance didn't cover us? Canada is one hell of a country to be in if you don't have travel insurance. But again our Tsunami friends reassured us that it would all be sorted out if needed. Experience is a wonderful thing.

In the end I decided to be upfront about coming in contact with H1N1, make the phone calls and get the run around. I spoke to all the doctors and I put Kieran through the horrid testing - a very, very, very long thing stuck up into his sinus passages, in the car park behind the clinic because they would not have us in the clinic, by a doctor in a suit that resemble Darth Vader's only it was clear. The poor kid was traumatized for days, Makaila too, who ended up hiding behind the loading bay so she didn't have to watch. But it did give us peace of mind, for what it was worth. We were given the go-ahead, told we could move about freely and a few days later found out we could put it all behind us. I just hope Kieran doesn't hold it against me the rest of his life......

People are saying all sorts of things about this pandemic and you hear words like hysteria, over-stated, under-stated, weaker strains, mutation, vaccination and concern for the coming winter being thrown about the place. The thoughts and theories, speculations and assumptions about H1N1 are plentiful.

But out of all this there is one thing that has really struck me, and that is how vulnerable the flight staff are as they move hundreds and hundreds of people around the globe every day.

A young boy was feverish and threw up in the seat behind us on our way to Canada. He and his brother were flying from Cambodia to see his grandparents in Toronto. The staff helped him as best they could. Then the man in front of us on our way back to Stockholm had a fever and felt like he was going to vomit. The staff took his temperature and helped him as best they could.

I can't help but think of our friend who works as a steward, and goes home after each stint to his wife, his four year old and his one-month-old baby. Our brush with H1N1 pales in comparison......

Make friends with the locals, not the other foreigners

I have 4 friends that I have known for longer than 10 years, not great statistics considering I have been here over 15.... My longest running friendship is with a Swede. We've known each other almost 20 years now. Another is with an American, married to a Dutchman. Then there are a couple of Australians, one married to a Swede, the other is here to be with his son.

The news came a month or so ago that my Aussie friend and her family are moving to England in August. I knew it would come sooner or later. They had already moved back to Australia and come back again, and I knew they would not be here forever. But knowing that does not make it any easier. I will be sad to see her go and will miss her.

Yesterday my American friend broke the news that they are probably moving to New Zealand later in the year. We were kind of tied together, neither having family here and both knowing what an impact it would have on the other if either of us ever left. This is my friend who I can call on in times of need, who picks us up when we are feeling the absence of family, who drove us to the hospital when I went into labour in the middle of the night, whose house I have a key to. My one friend who I can ring at any time and say "help" and know that she will be there for me. My friend who dotes on my children, who has her own special relationship with them, my friend who my children ask after and get so very excited every time she comes by. My friend is leaving...

And all our friends with a Swedish connection are busy this weekend with family stuff. Because blood is thicker than water.

Suddenly Sweden doesn't feel much like home any longer.

10100 Unique Visitors and I almost missed it!

Thanks to my friend Michelle in Australia I realised that I have reached a new blogging milestone - 10 000 unique visitors and another 100 too.I used to get excited about every 100 new visitors and here I am I forgot to keep my eye on it. I've also seen what other bloggers have achieved so 10 000 doesn't seem like such a big deal anymore (!) I'm sitting here chuckling at myself over my ambivalence - shame blogspot does not do smiley faces.

The truth of the matter is that I just want to transfer this damn blog over to www.liveinsweden.se but I still have far too much work to do on the site before I am ready to do that.
What started off as a way of updating the family, my mum in particular, has turned into so much more. I love writing a blog and now realise I should have studied journalism instead of economics - oh well, such is life.

It is also fascinating to watch the stats and see how people behave on the net - seeing what people search for and how that leads to me, or who else out there is linking to me, is nothing short of totally fascinating. It is also interesting to see what links people click on and to see those who come back regularly and never click on any of the links I put up.And it has caught me off guard a couple of times too. I found out last night my sister-in-law must pop in here from time to time, and here I was thinking it wouldn't be of interest now I am not writing as many personal posts about the family. It has also had me in trouble with my mother when the occasional post has led to phone-calls to her. I've often wondered if I should have a "don't quote me and don't ring my mother saying you read it on my blog" disclaimer, just to keep me out of trouble. After all - a blog is personal, it is my way of experiencing the world around me. But a blog also teaches you about accountability, about being conscious of what you communicate and how it can be perceived.

One of the things I really like about blogging is how it has led to other things. It is a great way to develop your writing skills - practise, practise, practise. I have also put thought into the profile we create, who are target audience is, how we attract people and keep them, the balance between personal and general information, privacy issues and what our goals are with a blog. I say WE because I have had many interesting discussions with other bloggers and I find this whole area of modern media so very fascinating. I get to apply all the theories of marketing, and relationship marketing from studies in the years gone by and yet apply them in a different way, in a new world, to a new media. Love it!

Blogging also opens up your world to a range of new people and I can't help but explore blogs in areas that interest me. I have a couple of favorites and like to read the "life in Sweden" blogs, as well as those using their blog as a professional tool.
I encourage anyone who wants to build a profile for professional reasons, or has something they want to say to the world to start blogging and to keep blogging. You will work the rest out as you go along. You can even do a blog writing course! Click on the picture above to have a look at one.

If you don't have it in you to blog - then start a Twitter account - it takes a while to get a feel for what the point is but it is a whole new world and it is here to stay. It is a whole new way of communicating with people, both privately and professionally.

Both my blog and Twitter have, without any doubt, brought me closer to my nearest and dearest. That's the best bit.

Thanks Michelle!

The Southern Cross Club, The Canadian Club and other expat communitites

We went to Djurgården today for an Easter egg hunt put on by the Canadian Club for the kids. I saw the event last year and thought about going so when it came around again this year I had already decided and was not going to be deterred by the drizzle this morning!I set off with the kids and Ty - who complained about having to go out but dutifully followed along. He didn't ask any questions until we were almost there, and I was glad, I knew what the reaction would be.

When I first moved to Sweden I knew I would only be here for a set period of time - 15 months. In that time I had no desires to meet other Australians - that was not what I was coming to Sweden for. And rightly so I met plenty of Swedes, but no other Aussies.

When I moved back here in the mid 90s I knew I would be here for a few years, and I didn't feel quite as willing to absorb myself in the Swedish culture at the expense of my own. Consequently I started the Southern Cross Club - Servicing Aussies in Stockholm, which later opened up to the New Zealanders too. I still had a number of Swedish friends but became active in building an Australian community. It was a great time, we had a lot of fun and I made many life long friends, the type of friends you make not just because you happen to be the same nationality living in some faraway place, but the type of friends you would choose at home too.

That's part of what happens in these international communities - you have one thing in common - your nationality. You have the same frames of reference, watched the same stuff on tv as a kid, listened to the same music as a teen, your mum cooked the same type of food for the family, you went to the same type of school, you often know or can at least relate to where the others come from, if you don't know it well you might have been there or know someone who lives there, generally you a product of the same sort of culture. You can laugh at each other's stories, you understand each other's humor - you are a product of the same culture, pretty much. While the social aspect might be nice for a while, ultimately there needs to be more than the fabric of our culture that binds us together.

Since the SCC disbanded a few years ago I have met a several Aussies that have been here for many years yet never came in contact with the club. They had no need, no desire, no interest. There are those who say they have never had to go out looking for friends, those who say they never had time, those that had no interest in socialising or networking with their countrymen. I also met many both through the club and independently who lived a very Swedish life until one day they reached a point where they started yearning for their countrymen, for their roots. It was then that they went in search of a club.

That time often comes with children and wanting your young ones to have a balanced cultural upbringing. It is no longer either politically correct or accepted as the right thing to do - to absorb children in one language, one culture. These days it is generally accepted and understood that our language and traditions are a part of who we are, that we want to pass them on to our children and that it is enriching to do so.

While many say they don't have time for new friends, I love to get out and meet new people. And when you go to these events, with your countrymen, it is freaky, but fun, to meet someone who was born in the same hospital, someone who was also standing on the banks of that same river during the Millennium, someone who has mutual friends, someone who has had similar experiences since moving to Sweden, someone who also has a three-nationality family. And all the time I thought I was the only one.......

I really miss the Southern Cross Club, especially now I have children. Luckily I am still surrounded by plenty of great Aussie friends so my kids get their fare share of the culture, the humor, the warmth. Today was a nice chance to give them a little taste of Canadian culture - well as much as you can get racing around on the grounds of Rosendal's Palace with other Canadian-Swedish kids.It is great that there is someone organising events, things that the kids think are fun and that give the family an outing, events that create both variety and tradition. Going to events like this where you don't know people and you mix around anyway is one of the things that makes life here in Sweden feel more normal than it does otherwise. And one of the important things the kids learn from this is to mix with kids they don't know, something they don't get a whole lot of in everyday life. Its good for their social skills.

Yey for the Canadian Club of Sweden! - and aren't we lucky to have three countries to choose from? We are also lucky to live in a city where there is a whole range of clubs. Wouldn't it be cool if someone did a register of who lives where around the country so you could find other expats when looking for fun things to do throughout the year......

Happy Birthday to me!

Well, middle-age - here I am!
Hit the big 40 on Saturday which is why I have not had a chance to blog the last couple of days. We had a great party at home with a 60s, 70s or 80s dress and music theme - lots of fun!Not only did I get some really lovely pressies but some friends also made very generous donations to the Australian Bushfire Appeal, in lieu of a present.

So far over AUD 80 million (over 444 mil SEK or 52 mil USD) has been donated as Victorians continue to struggle, fighting fires and fighting to pick up the pieces. Yet as my sister put it, this damage was just two days in our history, peanuts compared to the suffering of the many people in war-torn areas around the world.

I am eternally grateful for the simple things in life - family, friends and the opportunity to celebrate what I have and where I am at!

Hooray for family, friends and celebrations - what more do we really need?!!

Tragedy At Home: hottest city temperature ever recorded, the worst fires in our history?

After last week's record of three consecutive days over 44 degrees celsius, yesterday topped an all time high of 47 C - the highest temperature ever recorded in any Australian city.

I caught glimpses of it last night on the net but didn't realise the seriousness of it until my mum rang this morning with a rude awakening. While it seems none of my family or friends have been directly affected, the fires raged in Bendigo, just 30 mins away from my sister, and I saw my cousin's facebook photos of them wetting down their property in preparation, the smoke and an aerie colour in the sky behind them. Mum's call jolted me from my slumber, to a reality I'd rather not have. Yet to a reality that is pale in comparison to most Victorians' today.

The town of Marysville has been burnt to a crisp, incinerated, nothing is left. Marysville is, or was, a sleepy little town of about 300 or so people, nestled in the mountains. As my sister described it many years ago it is filled with greenies, loggers and local business people, it is the skiers last stop before they head up the mountain, it is a haven for bush-walkers and mountain bike riders, a lovely picnic spot, a gorgeous weekend get-away and has many an authentic craft shop, restaurant and cafe. It is where my sister bought her first property, where she settled many years ago, where my niece was born and spent the first couple of years of her life. It holds many memories for me, countless for my sister.

Today will be a very sad day for them, as she contemplates her own fire plan and sits by the phone waiting for the news. Her oldest, dearest friends are missing. He went off to fight the fires. She stayed at home with their daughter to defend their property in Narbethong. No-one knows where any of them are. I can only pray the news is good. But by every account it does not look good, the tragedy of it all makes me feel ill. (Edited to say they have been found and are safe). Watch this report on the area.

As I look through the photos, news clips, videos and read countless stories the tears well in my eyes and I feel like I could throw up. We Australians know what it is like to have our country ravaged by fire, even if we have not experienced it first hand. We always have family and friends who have. And we have stories of days gone by.

Black Friday - January 13th, 1939. The infamous fires that had widespread impact, not just on people but terrible environmental damage was done which saw the introduction of forest management to aid prevention of bushfires. The old hospital in the Dandeonongs burnt down, supposedly destroying my father's birth certificate, something that would affect him the rest of his life. 1.5-2 million hectares burnt. 75 people lost their lives. It reached 45.6 C.

Ash Wednesday - February 16th, 1983. My aunt's farm was one of the few on her road to survive. She, her daughter and son-in-law faced the danger again on Saturday, 26 years later. A family friend died defending her property. I remember the dust storm like it was yesterday, it was like nothing we had ever seen before. 210,000 hectares burnt in Victoria. 75 people dead in Vic & South Australia. Over 2000 homes burnt to a crisp and the total property damage was reported to be over 200 million dollars. The temperature was recorded in the low 40s.

There have been countless other disaster days, of various sizes. And that is over and above the bushfires that rage every summer in Australia.

And now we have Black Saturday: our darkest day ever. With the death toll currently at 108. I don't look forward to the final statistics.

There will be government support, and fund-raising appeals and events of all descriptions. Australians rally together in the most tear-jerking manner when their countrymen are in need.

But it is not the money that matters, it is the loss of lives, the devestation, the personal tragedies. It is a tragedy for livestock and for the animals of the bush, it is a tragedy for the forests themselves. It is a major environmental tragedy.

For the first time ever I understand what it must be like for people coming from war-torn places, worrying about their family, their friends, their countrymen. Not because I could do anything if I was at home, but because I feel for my country and for my people, in their darkest hour.

Click on these pictures to read more.

This is Brian Naylor, veteran news reporter who spent decades in my lounge room every evening updating me on what was happening in the country and around the world. This Australian icon and his wife died on their property in Kinglake.

My friends have been calling me today to make sure my family is ok (knowing I have a sister in the bush) and I can only imagine how the phones must be running hot in and to Australia at the moment. Sis 1 rang to make sure my mum was ok when she heard the fires were close to them, mum has been on the phone to check up on Sis 2, as well as to my aunt to find out what is happening at their place and how the rest of the family were fairing. The news has all been good, so far.

But there are many heart-breaking reports, there are SO many of them. Watch this incredible tear-jerker from St Andrews, this one from Wandong, and one from Kinglake. Not unkown places in some far-away country, but places I know, places I love. It is a tragedy like no other. I feel so sad for these people.

Finally now, Monday morning the Swedish papers are reporting it, SvD articles and DN articles. And as for mass-murder? Unfortunately arsonists are most often to blame, either that or reckless individuals. Desperately sad, but true.

Glad we're not still in Melbourne in this heat wave

While suburban temperatures were recorded at about 45 C yesterday, the thermometer on my mum's balcony almost blew the mercury at 47 C! With an overnight temperature of 26 C it was already 36 C by 9am.

Late in the afternoon they relented and finally decided to turn on the air conditioner, only to discover that power shortages had left them without electricity.

Melbourne was today officially in its hottest-known three-day heatwave, after the temperature again broke through the 43 degrees celsius barrier. Today's temperature of 43.8 degrees recorded at 1.52pm (AEDT) marked the first time since records began in 1855 that the city has had three consecutive days above 43.

Read more about the effect of record-breaking temperatures in Victoria:
Photos from around the state.

Vic blaze destroys homes as town runs out of water.

Sudden deaths in sweltering city.

Water supply drops in Victoria as temperature soars.

We got out of there just in time.....

Australia: 5 weeks in a nutshell

We visited old Swedish friends, stayed in a beach house with my sister and her family, swam in the freezing cold ocean, played in the sand, basked in the sun, went to Carols by Candle-light, took the ferry between Queenscliff & Sorrento, watched dolphins frolicking in the sea, researched & bought a new camera, saw penguins swim to shore and then scramble up over the beach to their burrows, rode motorbikes & 4-wheelers through the bush, celebrated a bush Christmas, killed spiders, heard snake stories, swam in a river & a freshwater lake, fed wild cockatoos & rosellas, went kangaroo spotting at night, visited an aunt and a cousin & her man on their newish farm, walked in the rainforest, escaped for a romantic night in Olinda, ate great food at cafés & restaurants, ate fish & chips on the beach, shopped, visited long lost cousins & a long lost uncle, bottle fed lambs, went to a Wiggles concert, enjoyed the company of old friends, had a picnic with the extended family, visited a community farm, visited the Australia Gardens, celebrated my birthday a month early, dropped in for dinner, chatted with people I couldn't see in person, looked through old photos, ate cheesecake, celebrated NYE with old friends, went to a 60th birthday celebration, went and saw the movie Australia on the big screen, drank lots of good wine & beer, played pool, jumped on trampolines (everyone has them), bbq'd, built train tracks and talked and talked and talked - with family and with friends. Otherwise we generally just hung out and enjoyed life.

And we were totally and utterly spoiled by my mum and her partner!!! They cooked for us, took care of the kids whenever we wanted, handed over the keys to her car, organised all the picnic stuff every time we had a picnic, shopped, did our washing, cleaned up after us....... the list goes on. Any wonder I feel more refreshed than I have in years. Thank you both. We'll be back next month. HA!!! I wish!!

Our camping road trip

Christmas in Australia

Australia, pre-Christmas