Women on the run from family life

There was a very interesting article in SvD on the weekend as a prelude to the Swedish annual Book Fair that starts this week. Three books are due to be released in the next couple of months, by three women about three women who have fled their own domestication.

Ironic that this article and these books come at a time when Anna Anka is making headlines and filling the online forums, debate sites and article comments. The rest of the world probably doesn’t know who Anna Anka is but here in Sweden she is blowing up a storm with her traditional opinions about the role of men and women.

Picture: The Local

Read more .......

The Joys Of Being A Waldorf Parent

My sister and I chuckled on many occasions over being good Steiner mothers (Steiner in Oz, Waldorf in Europe), which saw her trying all sorts of crafts over the years. Now that my daughter has started school I am really starting to understand what that means.

Starting school in Sweden is weird, at least for an Aussie mum who only knows one way of doing things. Firstly kids start school the year they turn 7, which in some cases means they are almost eight years old. Compare that to starting at 5 in Oz. Then there is no list stating exactly what the school uniform should consist of, which pieces are compulsory and which are non-compulsory, as well as where to buy it, there is no school uniform. There is no list outlining exactly what pens, pencils, writing books and even text books to buy, no fees to be paid before school starts (not even non-compulsory fees as in Oz). These kids don’t even need a lunchbox, a thermos or a drink bottle. All their food is provided by the school and the after-school centre, free of charge.

Instead of the list we have to make sure she has two pairs of slippers, or inside shoes, for both school and after-school care - the no-shoes in the classroom policy is also weird when you are not used to it.

Swedish education law says schools are to provide children with what they need, and they are not legally entitled to charge fees of any description if they are teaching according to the Swedish curriculum. It is all in the name of Sweden’s socialistic roots, in the name of equality. No child should be disadvantaged because of their family’s financial status. Every child should be guaranteed one hot meal a day. It is all about taking care of children, no matter what their lot in life is.

So while most parents have little to organise for their children starting school (I’m assuming), the Waldorf parents amongst us are busy, busy, busy. With Makaila starting Grade 1 we were given two important tasks back in the spring – a name-tag and a crayon case, along with detailed instructions as to how these tasks should be completed.

Naturally, like all enthusiastic, well-prepared parents we did not use the summer wisely, nor did we con one of Ty’s talented aunts into doing it for us – we left it hanging over our heads until the pressure built sufficiently!

Once I finally got started on the name-tag, I decided it wasn’t all that bad - although it is tough to embroider when you haven’t really done it before. I bought one of those cross stitch kits when I was about 11 years old, the ones where the pattern is printed on the fabric and all the colours are chosen for you. It was of a clown and I’m not sure what possessed me to buy it but I clearly remember my dad giving me a hard time, telling me I would never finish it. Guess whether or not I did……

Anyway despite struggling with the stitches I actually enjoyed sitting doing this handcraft in the evenings. Then one night when we were discussing how on earth I was going to embroider her most beloved animal, a killer whale, it was taken from me. Ty took over. After all, equality is the name of the game in this country.

We found a great picture on the net which we were able to copy and he did it over two nights. A friend even called in and was so inspired when he saw Ty sitting embroidering at the kitchen table last night that he went home and got started on his daughter’s name tag (gotta love these Swedish men!). We (both) added the finishing touches (water) and hey presto – it was done! Here’s the final result. Not bad huh!

The next task was the crayon case and I knew that would be fairly easy – which does not explain my procrastination! It took me the better part of the afternoon-evening but I got it finished and I’m pretty pleased with the results. Just so long as no one looks too closely at the stitching because it is extremely amateurish.

The kids were so amazed to see me pull out a borrowed sewing machine that they watched my every move and questioned all I did. Kieran tried to get an understanding of exactly how the machine worked and was so fascinated he snapped a few shots of me in action.

Counting to make sure I've left enough space.

The finished product aims to reduce classroom noise.

Tied up ready to be put away.

What started off as a “Oh no! How are we going to manage these little projects” has ended with a “Well that was fun. What’s next” kinda feeling.

Makaila was totally and utterly thrilled with both pieces – and I think kind of amazed by her parents. Now that brings joy to these Waldorf parents!

Swedish Education Debate Heating Up

While I read about the latest proposals today (and welcome them) I have unfortunately not had a chance to write and will have to leave you to listen to Radio Sweden's English coverage of the debate.

I've expressed my opinions in the past with these blogpost 1 & blogpost 2 and while I welcome these proposals I am skeptical about whether or not they will ever be used given the competition for students.

The opposition to the proposal is about as predictable as the sun rising in the sky each day (be it behind clouds or in full view) but it is refreshing to hear that the Teachers' Union gives it the thumbs up. Hopefully it will spark a full blown debate about the discipline and disturbance issues faced by both students and pupils.

SvD1, SvD2, DN, The Local

Swedish Prince Carl Philip's own silverware on show at Svensk Tenn

Svenskt Tenn open a new exhibition tomorrow and it will include silverware designed by our very own Swedish Prince:
Setting the table The exhibition elaborates on the table-setting theme using classic, modern and other styles, with a large selection of our most beautiful products. It also shows how table settings can signal new thinking, harmony, extending the boundaries - and also awakening curiosity and bringing pleasure.

It seems that our Prince has been studying design the last couple of years, initially at Forsbergs Design School here in Stockholm, and then at the Rhode Island School of Design in the US where he apparently won a competition to develop the logo for Martha's Vineyard Museum, under a pseudonym.

The Prince has now followed in his great uncle Sigvard Bernadotte's footsteps as a designer working in silver and the silverware is the first to be launched under his own brand CPB. The production is in cooperation with MEMA/GAB, one of Europe's leading producers of handmade silverware.
The only photo I have seen of the silverware is in SvD but they do not have the article online. Good for you Carl Philip I say, but unfortunately there seems to be a lack of overall publicity for the event - in true Swedish style we will undoubtedly find out more after the opening of the exhibition. I found an article in Swedish Elle and a couple of local papers and this blog (Swedish) for those who can't get enough of royalty. Not even any info on the royal website nor a CPB website - is this another example of jante law??? Anywhere else it would be shouted from the highest rooftops!

The exhibition will be on until May 7th and the silverware will be available in store from the middle of April.

Edited to say I found this photo - click on it to see where it came from:
At the end of the blog post you will find a link to another post about the competition in the US.

Culture Shock & Cultural Differences

After 15 years in Sweden you would think I would have a pretty good notion of how things work in this country. Yet every time I find myself in a new situation it hits me that I spent the first 25 years of my life somewhere else and that these years still fundamentally form who I am and how I think.

Still, as time goes on it becomes more and more difficult to know exactly where the cultural differences lie. Is it just because it is a new situation? Is it a generational difference? Is it some other reason or is it because my frames-of-reference, my learnings, my experience - my culture, is of a different origin?

Schools, Students, Parents & Teachers. Curling in Sweden

Curling is a term that seems to have evolved here, and for good reason. It comes from an analogy with the sport of curling, people rushing ahead of children, frantically sweeping the path clean of even the most minor obstructions.

I've wanted to write about this subject many times but I get so frustrated and angry that I end up putting it on the back-burner and leaving it for another time. I'm not so sure I'm going to be any more successful this time either - but here goes.

This is a bit of an education household - it is our past and our present. My other interest in education comes from my research. We have had many a discussion about methods, attitudes and the education systems in the four countries we have worked in.

Anyway, the stories that I hear  Uuggghhh!!!! I don't even know where to start......... And all the time Skolverket (education department) put the blame on everyone but themselves - the teachers, the students, the parents, the independent schools - yet some of the stuff that they come up with makes me think they need their heads read!!!!

I've written before about how the need to attract students has a major effect on the running of schools. But sadly that is not the end of it - the stories I hear of parents ever so eager to have their child succeed are very worrying - in their desire to protect their children they really screw things up - for themselves and for others.

There are a lot of really healthy attitudes towards bringing up children in this country - and there are a lot of really healthy attitudes towards education - in many ways they are much healthier than what I know and see in both our countries. But I have to say that on the whole the approach is pretty soft. Boundaries are neither set nor adhered to - I see it and I feel it all around me and it scares me. And sometimes it makes me really, really angry.

But I will leave it here for now, perhaps another time I will dare to delve through all the issues that have come to light in the last few years, all the points of frustration, contemplation and sheer wonder - and I don't mean that in a positive way. And I know systems are changing around the world as many countries struggle to get a grip of how to run education - but in discussions with teaching friends around the world they are usually left with a gaping mouth.....

Typically when the pendulum swings from one way of thinking it goes to the other extreme until it comes back to the middle, to a position of balance. The Swedish education system is going through a crisis - I just hope the time comes when we have balance in Sweden, otherwise how will these kids ever cope in the real world? Or will we just continue to see a growth in the numbers of people who are burnt out and more of the lost generation - a term used to describe those born in the 80s?

Measure Your Age Not By Years But By Your Friends - Making Friends In Sweden

or was it measure your success by your friends? I can't quite remember but I know there is an old proverb about friends and on several occasions this last week I have had opportunity to reflect over just that, friends.


I'm sure it is Trompenaars & Hampden-Turner in their book Riding The Waves Of Culture who say something about old isolated countries (like Sweden) being full of old friends. Until the 50s there was not the movement around the country, or in and out of the country and people were pretty isolated, villages would be cut off from each other for months of the year and families had known each other for generations. And we all know what we are like with old friends - we just know each other, we understand, we don't have to explain and there is no need for small talk. And we all know what it is like to try and break into a group of friends who have known each other for years. It is hard and it takes time.

While Swedes of today might be much more mobile, with people moving around to go to university or for employment, things are not all that different. Culture does not change as quickly as what circumstances do, it is ingrained in our way of being. Words like shy, introverted, reserved, wary and guarded are all used to describe these people. But however you describe them Sweden is a country full of old friends, many have known each other since day-care and with so many moving to the big cities it is possible to remain close to school friends even in a new city. All this makes it very difficult for outsiders, many of whom say they struggle to meet Swedes, to form friendships with Swedes.
Friendship needs no words - it is solitude delivered from the anguish of loneliness. ~Dag Hammarskjold (a Swede).

When I first came to Sweden in the early 90s I developed an analogy that still rings true today. In this country you can stand out on someone's doorstep and bang and bang on the door, ringing the doorbell for all you are worth. You might be standing out in a blizzard with the wind blowing cold in your face and the snow sleeting down around you. Yet you will stand there, feeling sorry for yourself until someone is willing to open the door. If, or once they finally do, you are welcomed inside where it is warm and hospitable. There is food and drink, fun and merriment. There will be people you will be introduced to and you will have good friends for life. You just have to get past the front door!

Since there is nothing so well worth having as friends, never lose a chance to make them. ~Francesco Guicciardini
But getting past the front door is no easy task. A Brazilian neighbour told me when I first moved here that you have to say hello to a Swede everyday for about a year before things move to the next step. While this is possibly a gross exaggeration and clearly not true in every case, I have once again been reminded of the validity of his comment. Shane’s post about his lack of friends and small social circle after a year in Stockholm and lunch with a Belgium woman new to Stockholm both remind me of how hard it can be. Especially for someone here on their own – ironic considering Stockholm supposedly has more single households than any other capital in the world and almost 20% of Stockholmers were born abroad – with many more born somewhere else in Sweden.

Strangers are just friends waiting to happen. ~Rod McKuen, Looking for a Friend
I warned my Belgium friend not to expect any invitations – none of the customary – lets all go out for a drink after work., - friends are going to see a movie Saturday – want to join us?, - do you have any plans for the weekend? - or any other of the invitations one might expect to get from colleagues having just moved to a new job in a new country. Sadly, she confirmed I was right.

It is even part of the language and regrettably I find myself reflecting over my use of vocabulary in a way I never used to – friend, school friend, friend from work have all become vän (friend), kollega (colleague) and bekant (acquaintance) – the word friend can’t be used lightly, carelessly.

So it is not so strange that non-Swedes become friends with non-Swedes and expats move in purely expat circles – it is often not for lack of trying or lack of wanting. In fact many leave when their time is up, sad that they got to know so few Swedes while living in Sweden…… And while it is true that many of us are so busy we don’t have time for the friends we do have, let alone new ones, it is far from the entire explanation.

There is magic in long-distance friendships. They let you relate to other human beings in a way that goes beyond being physically together and is often more profound. ~Diana Cortes
But even there it can be difficult to get to know other non-Swedes as those of us who are here long-term are often self-protective. My friendship group has bled many times over the years as friends have opted to return home, or move on to another placement. My dearest, oldest (as in longest) Swedish friend looked around the room during my recent birthday celebrations and commented on how few had been at my 30th, a decade earlier. We long-termers joke about asking people how long they plan to be here and about being wary of those who say anything less than us – it is painful to lose someone every couple of years. And the irony of it all, some of my dearest friends have packed their bags and left, but I wouldn’t be without them.Fear makes strangers of people who would be friends. ~Shirley Maclaine

So what is the answer? How do you make friends in Sweden? How do you even meet people that might possibly become friends? You have to go out on a limb, and you have to do it time and time again, even in the face of potential rejection. You have to approach people who you like, who seem interesting and you cannot wait for them to approach you – because it just might not happen.

And if that fails or if you don’t quite have the courage then the best place to start is the expat organisations, and there is a growing number of them. There are always others keen to extend their social network, and you never know, some of them might have Swedish friends too. But realise it takes a long time to develop into friendship!

Friends are relatives you make for yourself. ~Eustache Deschamps
Friendship is a glorious thing, something we all need, we all benefit from. It makes the dull days shine brightly, the bright ones even more magnificent. And the smaller our family, or the further away they are, the greater our need for friends. As I looked around the room on Saturday night I saw just a handful I’ve known longer than my oldest child (6), but I saw many dear people whose company I really enjoy, whose friendship I really value. I am one of the fortunate ones, I can truly count both my age and my success by my wonderful friends.

There are big ships and small ships. But the best ship of all is friendship. ~Author Unknown

Friendship Quotes
Mums In Sweden
Lost In Sweden - bulletin board
International Friends of Stockholm - one of many facebook groups
International Woman's Club - Stockholm
Eurocircle - Stockholm
American Club of Sweden
English Speaking Community Club - Stockholm
Just to name a few.

Out of the ashes

crawls the true Aussie spirit.

The wildlife - one of the things I love and miss about Australia. I'm sure everyone has seen this by now, but click on any of the following photos for the stories behind them. Koala Sam's encounter with Mr Tree is one of the most inspiring stories to come out of Victoria's tragedy.

Wildlife rescue centres are being set up around the state to help these guys. Healesville Sanctuary are taking injured animals and I bet the country vets are doing their fair share of voluntary work to help the shelters. It will be a long time before they have a home to return to.
Generosity like it is has never been know before. When people are in need Aussies are FANTASTIC at rallying together to help out. People are not only generously donating money, but food, clothing, toys, household items and the list goes on.

My cousin is one of the many people out there gathering all she can from her friends to donate to those who have been left homeless. An old school friend is collecting to help a friend of hers who lost everything and setting up a website to help her community. Another friend has started a project to collect photos for those who have lost everything, to help them rebuild at least a few photos from their past.
The comradeship, or mateship, as we lovingly refer to it as. The loyalty not only to friends and family, but to those we share any situation with. In this case, neighbours.

In this case, professionals from around the country who have volunteered their services to help locate and identify the bodies.
And finally, stubbornness and determination. That fighting spirit that takes risks and battles on, against all odds. While some vow never to return, many, many more are vowing to return and rebuild.

We often talk about national traits and these are the things that I love about Aussies - pitching in, whether it be to fight fires, care for wildlife, or give to those in need- time, money or anything they can get their hands on. There is great empathy and compassion for the underdog. There has always has been.

This is an extension of the mateship, binding people together to support each other if they are in the same situation, whether they know each other or not. It is an admirable trait.

And finally, the fighting spirit - it is what brought people to the country in the first place - they had to be daring, gutsy and willing to take a risk to settle here. You see the same traits present in the people of today when they declare they will be back. Many accept it is all part of the course if you are going to live in the bush.

Two traits that just might develop out of all this is the tendency to plan and to have more of a long term perspective. Hopefully John Brumby will be successful in introducing tougher building restrictions for the bush as outlined in this article. Ty commented on the flimsiness, and cheapness of the country dwellings when we were in rural Victoria just a month ago. In light of his comments it is ironic to see from these photos how the fires engulfed houses but seemingly left many trees intact.
Housing is relatively cheap in Australia. While more solid buildings might cost more in the short-term, hopefully people can see the long-term advantages. The estimated extra AUD 20,000 is peanuts when you look at it from this angle. Perhaps that famous Australian Dream needs to be adjusted slightly.

It is also encouraging to see in this article that other important issues of forest management and climatic change coming to the surface, amongst all the debris.

Aussies are a fantastic bunch - like no other. Let's hope they can rise to the challenge and begin to have a more long-term approach to life.

DN1, DN2, DN3, SvD1,

Fight or Flight? The issues are many. But what about climatic change?

In the aftermath of the worst fires in the history of Victoria, the discussions start, the inquiry is yet to come. It seems like the fires of Black Friday in 1939 these fires will have far reaching consequences as the issues are aired, debated and investigated.

The hot topic in Australia at the moment in the decision to stay and defend one's property. It seems many of the deaths were the result of people staying and yet not having the resources to have any affect on the fire, let alone defend their property, or themselves. When they realised it was not possible to battle the inferno they got in their cars to leave. Sadly, many died trying to escape. Others are criticizing the lack of warning. Information was not circulated in time to give people a chance to escape.
CFA backs "defend or go" policy.
Fire authority warns against knee-jerk reaction to evacuation policy

Then there are those who say that more can be done in the name of prevention. There are those who say we need to return to, or increase the use of the aboriginal methods of burning off the undergrowth. Australian firestorms prompt call to return to Aboriginal bush control

Or that fire is something we need to understand, accept and prepare for if we are going to pursue that great Australian Dream of land around us in the outer green suburbs. Australians 'unprepared' for bushfires

Other issues at the moment include:
Power lines to blame for the fires, not arsonists. Why are they not dug into the ground like they are in so many other places around the world? Especially considering the damage that storms can do, gum trees dropping limbs, fire threat etc etc. Is it simply because it costs too much and no-one is prepared to bite the bullet and make the investment? Is there an unwillingness to be long-sited rather than short-sited?

An act of terrorism? A very scary thought. And if it is not true the spreading of such stories is in itself scary.

Bodies that will never be identified. Horrific to think that they have undergone those sort of conditions. What must the heat have been like? But how can we not identify people in this modern day and age? Is our fear of big brother and criminal intervention greater than our common sense? DNA registration would not be a bad thing in times like this? Did we not learn this from the tsunami?

Anger over not being able to return to their properties as roads and conditions are not safe. I understand the desire to go home, to see it for your own eyes, to be reunited with loved ones, to find out if they are still alive, to pick up the pieces and get on with life. But surely the police know what they are talking about when they say the roads are not safe? And perhaps there is some good that comes from staying in tents on an oval with other victims.

'Greenies' blamed for fires' fury. or National parks 'part of fire problem'. It is a complex issue and one I have contemplated a lot. Plant more trees is my motto, far too many have been chopped down in Australia - yet it is the trees that become a death trap. Angry survivors blame council 'green' policy. Perhaps we are just not meant to have a home among the gum trees.

And finally there is the overall environmental issue, seemingly overlooked. My first thoughts as I read the Swedish articles in DN, SvD, and many of the Swedish blogs about the fires is that Australians are still dealing with what has and is happening, they are in shock, in mourning and it is going to be a long time before they are ready to talk environment and consequences. Yet I know that Australians are not too keen to talk environment at the best of times. There is not the consensus there, like here, that weather extremes are due to climatic change and environmental damage. There doesn't seem to be the same willingness to accept responsibility, take action, make a difference. And it doesn't get nearly the amount of media coverage or political focus there that it gets here in Sweden. But aside from all that, it is not the time to start pointing the finger and telling people they need to live in a more environmentally conscious way.

However I did find, thanks to a cousin, a little article in The Age that suggests some people are willing to talk environment. Thank you Freya Mathews, you give me hope. I only hope the Government is willing to listen to you.

Pippi - A Modern Day Role Model

Pippi Longstocking is not everyone's favorite. My older sister remembers her being banned in our household and neither my younger sister nor I knew who she was by the time we reached adulthood.

A few years ago we were watching the Swedish version (compliments of my daughter) and we talked about how controversial she must have been in her day, and how much of a role model she is here in Sweden, even if Astrid never intended it to be that way.


Without doubt you could write an entire paper (or two) about Pippi, about the chicken and the egg theory - did she influence or reflect earlier Swedish attitudes? You could write about her character traits and her attitudes, about her presence in every Swedish child's mind, about women (and men) in Sweden today and their position in the world, in the work place, in society, and in the home. I wonder how many papers out there have been written on Pippi.

And although we have had the 60th Anniversary of Pippi she still continues to influence and to be a role model. Swedish newspaper SvD reported recently on the Swedish Attorney General's letter to her French colleague Rachida Dati. Beatrice Ask's empathy must have been strong for this single mother who refused to name the father of her child and subsequently returned to work just 5 days after giving birth to her daughter. Ask was Minister of Education when she, as a single woman, gave birth to a son, returning to work immediately afterwards.

In her support amidst the controversy and rumors, Ask supposedly wrote: Pippi was an unusually strong and adventuresome girl with a warm heart. I think applies to you both.

Long live Pippi!!

Things I Love About Sweden - Expat Confessions

There are things I love about life in Sweden, and plenty of things I don't like at all. I often find myself thinking about them - both at home here, at home in Australia and when we are in Canada.

That is the fate of an expat - to compare the way things are, the way they are done, the history, the culture, the way of life. It doesn't mean we don't love the country and culture we come from, or the one we now live in. It doesn't mean we don't get homesick, it doesn't mean we want to stay away forever or alternatively, that we aren't happy living in our new country.

But it does mean we listen, we watch, we observe. We don't take things for granted. We don't accept things just because they are, because they always have been. It also means we have to learn to be tactful, to choose when and where to express our opinions and not to dwell on the negative, the frustrating, the different.

There are tons of things I love about Sweden and I will add to the list, but for starters I'm going to quote two other bloggers-

When daddies take care of kids.

Ten reasons why I am glad I will be in Sweden and not in the USA in 2009.

Australia: 5 weeks in a nutshell

We visited old Swedish friends, stayed in a beach house with my sister and her family, swam in the freezing cold ocean, played in the sand, basked in the sun, went to Carols by Candle-light, took the ferry between Queenscliff & Sorrento, watched dolphins frolicking in the sea, researched & bought a new camera, saw penguins swim to shore and then scramble up over the beach to their burrows, rode motorbikes & 4-wheelers through the bush, celebrated a bush Christmas, killed spiders, heard snake stories, swam in a river & a freshwater lake, fed wild cockatoos & rosellas, went kangaroo spotting at night, visited an aunt and a cousin & her man on their newish farm, walked in the rainforest, escaped for a romantic night in Olinda, ate great food at cafés & restaurants, ate fish & chips on the beach, shopped, visited long lost cousins & a long lost uncle, bottle fed lambs, went to a Wiggles concert, enjoyed the company of old friends, had a picnic with the extended family, visited a community farm, visited the Australia Gardens, celebrated my birthday a month early, dropped in for dinner, chatted with people I couldn't see in person, looked through old photos, ate cheesecake, celebrated NYE with old friends, went to a 60th birthday celebration, went and saw the movie Australia on the big screen, drank lots of good wine & beer, played pool, jumped on trampolines (everyone has them), bbq'd, built train tracks and talked and talked and talked - with family and with friends. Otherwise we generally just hung out and enjoyed life.

And we were totally and utterly spoiled by my mum and her partner!!! They cooked for us, took care of the kids whenever we wanted, handed over the keys to her car, organised all the picnic stuff every time we had a picnic, shopped, did our washing, cleaned up after us....... the list goes on. Any wonder I feel more refreshed than I have in years. Thank you both. We'll be back next month. HA!!! I wish!!

The Great Australian Dream

It is again 5am and I am sitting in bed watching the sun come up, the view across the new suburbs and listening to the magpies warble. My early mornings give me some time before the little ones wake for the day. It is my time to do some work, some writing and some quiet contemplation.

Like most western cities Melbourne is plagued by disease, one that is slowly and quietly sprawling across the country – a disease called urbanisation. The land that lies before me was once farmland, forest before that. Today it is the home of countless Australians in their quest to live a good life.

Owning your own home is the great Australian dream, almost a right rather than a privilege. While we have a reputation of being a country of convicts, those who have emigrated to Australia have mostly been those in search of a better life. The definition of a better life may have changed over the last couple of hundred years, but in essence it is the same. One of the original attractions was the promised land – many of those who arrived in the early days were granted a plot of land, emancipated convicts were granted land, squatters were granted the land after 10 years – people who would never had the opportunity to own land in their home country. 200 years later land is still an important part of the culture, and is still being granted by the government- all first home-buyers are eligible for a government grant – to help them obtain that Great Australian Dream. And it is not just about buying a home, Australians also want to own their own home, and many work hard to pay off their mortgage, enabling them to retire debt-free.


Compare that with Swedes, 50% of whom live in apartments, 30% of Swedes rent and comparatively few aspire to pay off their mortgages the way people do here. The hot topic in Sweden is the slowly diminishing right to live in rental property with occupants taking over ownership and reducing the supply of rental property (more about this another time).

The Australians I meet struggle to understand the concept of bostadsrätt – or owning a share of the building rather than the walls they reside within. They struggle with our lack of right to invest in property and rent it out as we choose, with communal laundries and gardening days. They struggle to understand why people live in apartments, why they make that life-long choice.

Values, goals and life choices are different – it is in the history, it is in the culture, it is in the lifestyle, it is in the climate.

Aussie Expat Returns Home

But not without much contemplation and it seems I am never to be freed from it. Our trips to Canada just don’t get me thinking the way coming back home does.

I’ve been gone since 1995, plus the 15 months I spent away before that, and right from when I check In at Arlanda thoughts about my homeland start. I see another Swedish-Australian family lined up to check-in beside us, they remind me of so many others I have met over the years…..
I guess my first thoughts go to categories – and fighting the ones that people box us into. I don’t want to be like anyone one else, I never have and I can chuckle and think of many who would laugh and say – don’t worry – you never will be! But I am glad I don’t live in the U.K. – like so many Aussies do. And I’m not just another expat who has spent a few years abroad – I’m kind of more lost than that – am I one of those that has been lost to another nation, another life. Was Australia never good enough for me? Never the way I wanted it to be? Or did it just happen this way.

Entering the airport and going through the motions – customs etc brings me tface to face with my contemplation of my own national identity – who am I? Where do I belong?

As we drive from the airport my mother asks if it feels good to be at the end of our journey, yet sitting in the car that last hour is probably the hardest bit. And as the city and the suburbs whirl past me I am struck by what I like least about this place – the sheer vastness of this city, its urban sprawl and the roads. They are adding another lane she informs me – that’s great but what are they doing about the infrastructure – public transport?

And the overwhelming feeling of coming home to my city – to a city I no longer know. Staring at her face and seeing so much that is familiar, but so much that is not. It fuels my irritation over the building that is going on, developing, exploiting – business is big in this part of the world – money will buy you anything you want. Or am I just overcome by the strange and empty feeling of not feeling at home in the very place where I am supposed to feel at home?

It’s now 4am in the morning, I have slept a few hours but the awoke and my mind started spinning, my thoughts racing. My children sleep peacefully beside me, their stimulation is of a different kind to mine. I’m grateful they are sleeping and not disturbed by that now.

It is funny, moreover, interesting to read the thoughts of other bloggers that reflect my own. The Hairy Swede wonders if you ever stop translating prices into your own currency. I stopped a long time ago, and in my head Australian prices are still where they were over 15 years ago – when I left.

I know I am not the first to contemplate my own national identity, and I will not be the last. My own children probably have it ahead of them. Belonging is central to our needs as human beings – what an alienating feeling it is to come home and yet not belong here…..

Yet I smell the eucalyptus as I come out of the airport and I lie here listening to the birds and their first early morning calls, and I know I am at home. And it feels good!

Thanksgiving Meal For Homeless In Stockholm

Read this great story on The Local tonight about a bunch from the American Club Of Sweden who cooked a meal for one of the shelters on Stockholm.

Just thought I'd share a nice story.
Belated Happy Thanksgiving to all my American friends (Nov 27th).The history of Thanksgiving.

P.S. If you are looking for networking opportunities in Stockholm The American Club of Sweden have a great mingle on the third Thursday of each month. It is open to Swedes, Americans and other ex-pats and the location varies each month. It is a great way to meet new people - you just never know who you might meet!

Banking In Sweden

Part of relocation services is helping clients open bank accounts and I'm about to head off to meet a client to do just that.
Sounds like an easy task right? I mean we have professional people from all around the world coming to Stockholm (in this case) to work, mostly for a very reasonable amount of money. They don't send low-salaried people anywhere....

Yet the banks just don't seem to want their business.... and I say that because it is also important for Swedish residents to have an ID card - after all it shows your personal number and without a personal number you are nothing!! Yet it is only the banks who can provide you, as a resident but not a citizen, with an ID card.

There seems to be just one bank who can do the job! Just one bank who will let you open an account, who will give you an ID card, and who will give you immediate internet access to the account - Handelsbanken. Hats off to them for making their services accessible even to people who have just arrived in the country - people who are willing to pay for a service, who will be putting money in their bank! And all this they offer because I am a customer there and am willing and able to vouch for their identity (once I show my ID card)!

Is there something wrong with this picture or is it just me??

Australian Passport Application vs Swedish Personal Numbers

Makaila's application has been submitted! Finally!Not the easiest of tasks that is for sure.

Apart from the photos having to be exactly the right way (they show all sorts of sample photos that have been rejected and we now have tons of little photos of M), they have to have a copy of my passport, her father's, an extract from the population registry (in English), a copy of her citizenship document, and someone to vouch for her identity. That person must either be an Australian citizen or a teacher, doctor, chemist, accountant and the list goes on. You have to laugh - I mean are these people more reliable that the average citizen??

Now I know that the Swedish personal identity number can be an absolute XXX. Swedes also hand over their number here and there without realising or thinking just how much someone else can do with that number. It is expected in the most ludicrous times and places - try renting a movie or getting an bonus card at one of the chain stores without disclosing it!!

There are however times when it just makes more common sense than anything else, and it is efficient and convenient!! One of those times is for passport applications (or nenewals), done through the police. You show some ID, no need for a print-out from the population registry (the info is in their system) and they even do the photos their on the spot, so they are done right the first time! After all, the police are experienced mug-shot takers, right? It is all very speedy and easy.

What really bugs me (and many others!!) with the personal identity number system is that you don't exist without one, and the locals just don't cope so well without it. Many times I have been asked for my number and said - you don't need it - I can tell you it throws people into a tizz. I've even lied and told people I don't have one. Tell me why the butterfly house needs my number just because I buy a year's membership - I can show my ID card with it if I must - but my number doesn't need to go into their system.

When you buy a TV you have to give your personal number so they can register it and the government can makes sure you are paying your broadcasting tax. What really gets me is you give them your number, they put it into the system and they then tell you your address and phone number!! If you know someone's personal number you know how old they are (protected information in many parts of the world), their birthday and the worst of it - you can ring the tax office and find out how much money they earn!! How's that for privacy??

Another downside is that they generally don't want to know your name. Ring any government office and they won't even ask you - what is your personal number? is their first question. I think it is SO rude! I am a person not a number!!

While it is possible to disappear in this country - (just read about that in a story covering the abduction of the two boys) - it is more difficult to do it. Almost impossible for the average person. Yet if you lose contact with someone in Australia - it can be impossible to ever track them down.

All in all, there are pros and cons with any system. But it would be nice if there could be some sort of meeting in the middle. The Australians could afford a more systematic approach and the Swedes could afford to learn to live with a few less numbers.

Halloween & All Saints Day

It is not that often that Halloween and the Swedish All Saints Day Eve fall on the same day, but this year they did. In previous years I have been one of the many people amused by children trick-or-treating on the Friday or even Saturday night. They are out no matter what the date, as opposed to the 31st, as is the tradition in North America - which is after all where the custom originated. This year it wasn't the customs that merged, it was the dates and everyone was out together, which by the way was not too many.

I prepared our neighbors again by running around with stuff beforehand, some remembered from last year. They love it. It is lots of fun to see the kids dressed up and the excitement that lights up their faces.



I think I love Halloween & All Saints (Allhelgon) because they brighten up an otherwise grey and drab time of year. And while Ty and I might have our discussions about their best use, it brings focus to what is in season (pumpkins!).


My appreciation of the seasons grows with each year that passes. Not because I grew up without them as some might say - because we do have seasons in Australia, especially in Melbourne. But because they passed unnoticed in my childhood. Australians do not celebrate seasons the way they are celebrated here, they are just complained about and avoided, if at all possible.

Halloween and All Saints have long traditions and fulfill important functions - even if the hype leads us to believe they are just a commercial venture. Try walking around Skogskyrkogården on November 1st, it takes you back to the roots of the Swedish tradition. One member left our Halloween party on Saturday to join his family. People gather to put candles on the graves of their loved ones, to remember, to show respect.


I'll let Shane tell you more about the Allhelgon tradition. It is an enchanting place to be as darkness nestles in, the temperature drops and the grave candles flicker with rememberance.

A Modern Day Beauty Pageant?

Ok I have to remind myself that it is VeckoRevyn that are behind the Blog Awards, a fairly trashy fashion magazine aimed at the young, but really, you only have to have a quick look through the list of last night's winners to see that 90% of them are young with very long blonde hair!!!


It says so much about Swedish culture, the culture of the media, the ritzy life of the rich and famous, of the youth and of those born in the 80s, and 90s. It says so much about the future. So much in fact, that I'm not even going to go there!!!

But it would be fun to be at university doing some sort of study/research/analysis/hypothesis/thesis of the whole thing - what a gold mine!

Call me old fashioned, call me too serious, call me anything you like, but isn't it time for some Blog Awards with a little more depth?

All my friends are turning 40

In the last few years I have seen the migration of friends and acquaintances from their 30s into their 40s. There has been the odd 50th celebration and even a couple of 30ths, but the general trend is definitely moving from the 30s to the 40s.

And in the last few months the pace seems to have picked up with many of my old school friends uploading their party pictures on facebook. Then it occurred to me that as the school intake in those days was all those who turned 5 between July and June of the year we started school (in the January), everyone was turning 40 and I could expect to see a whole lot more celebration photos in the next year.

Today I got an invitation in the mail from an old American friend who is just a few months ahead of me (can't wait for my turn but more about that later). And it caused me to once again reflect on cultural differences.

40th birthdays don't seem to be that big here, correct me if I am wrong. They are big in Australia, I remember my mum (I was 19) and all her friends having big celebrations. Admittedly they have everything going for them down under: warmer weather, big backyards, bigger houses, local halls, school hall and church halls all available to rent for a fairly cheap price (compared to anything you might find here), much cheaper alcohol and a more lenient alcohol policy, cheaper food, cheaper catering prices, a huge range of rentable music options, much less fierce noise policies as it is not as densely populated, and well, a much more active social life. People have huge networks of friends and acquaintances and often do things in a pretty big way.

While one of my oldest, dearest friends headed to Queensland for winter sunshine, the other sent me an invite for a party with over 100 people this weekend, a bonfire, a spit roast & fancy dress theme (Grease Musical). She has probably hired some kind of music system, party tents and who knows what else. Everyone is bringing a tent or caravan and staying over in the paddock where the party will be. It is to be a major event!

Now this might be the biggest of the 40ths I've heard about so far, but it is not the only one I know of with a fancy-dress theme. And that really gets me chuckling - can you imagine doing a fancy-dress theme party here? People would get the shock of their lives!! Would they dress up? Would they come? I've heard of plenty of kids parties but never of an adults party with a fancy-dress theme. The mind boggles..... People kind of take themselves pretty seriously in this part of the world - especially if they don't know the other people around them really well. (I am hoping the Swedes amongst us will tell me I am wrong - that it is just my impression and experiences!).

And then there is my American friend here in Stockholm who is having an open-house from 12 noon for her 40th. It is so Swedish. So fuss free (in comparison), down to earth and practical.

Mind you I'm not so sure I have ever actually had the privilege of going to one of these open-house events before, but have heard many talk of them. How do they actually work? What time should we go? How long should we stay? While we don't see that much of each other I am very fond of her and would love to really celebrate her birthday!! Is that possible at an open-house? It feels so tame......

Maybe I'm just too much of a party-going Aussie, it is in my blood - give me a rip-roaring party any day- and I love fancy dress!!! It is great to see people loosen up and lighten up. Perhaps it would be something for the Swedes after all.....

P.S. Hope it is a great weekend for you Michelle! Happy 40th!!